Poster That Says I Am Not Really Funny I Am Just Mean and People Think I Am Joking

Love em' or hate em', we all know at least a few funny dad jokes. Those cringe-worthy, corny one-liners are a childhood staple, whether it was your dad telling them or a sitcom dad on TV. And you know what? Sometimes, they're so bad that they're actually good! The best dad jokes work for any occasion, but your pop will particularly appreciate one thrown into his Father's Day messages or a birthday card. He'll simply have to crack a smile when you tell him you want to grill him some halibut "just for the halibut" (ba-dum tss). Or that a Dad is like a fine wine—he'll age well if you lock him in the cellar! And if you're struggling with finding gifts for dad this year, at least you know he'll appreciate a DIY card full of his own unique brand of humor.

These so-bad-they're-good one-liners, puns, and funny jokes for kids are appropriate for any time of day, month, or year! We're sure that Ree Drummond's husband Ladd appreciates a cheesy dad joke—he loves a good prank, after all. Maybe he'll surprise Ree (who has the best mom jokes, we should add) and tell her he's on a seafood diet—he sees food, then he eats it! Go ahead and test out a few of these cringe-worthy yet hilarious best dad jokes on your friends and family—you're guaranteed to get a laugh!

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Best Corny Dad Jokes

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• Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
• How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
• How do you follow Will Smith in the Mud? Follow the fresh prints.
• What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barberqueue.
• Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.
• Am I the only man my wife has ever dated? Unfortunately yes, she said the others were all nines or tens!
• I'm thinking I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.
• What's the difference between a man's wallet before and after kids? There are pictures where the money used to be.
• What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? Where's popcorn?
• I wish my gray hair started in Las Vegas because what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.
• What vegetable is cool, but not that cool? Radish.
• My kid is blaming me for ruining their birthday. That's ridiculous, I didn't even know it was today!
• I haven't spoken to my wife in four years. I thought it would be rude to interrupt her!
• My kid gave me a 'World's Best Dad' mug. At least she inherited my sense of humor.
• When a toddler reaches the "why?" stage, it's like opening a bottle of champagne—once it's uncorked, there's no going back.
• What do you call two monkeys who share an Amazon Prime account? Prime mates.
• You can't spell par entry without "try."
• How do you measure the mass of an influencer's following? By Instagrams!
• How do you teach kids about taxes? Eat 38% of their ice cream.
• Two sheep walk into a—baaaa.
• What do you call a beehive without an exit? Un-bee-lievable.
• What did the seal with one fin say to the shark? If seal is broken, do not consume.
• I wish my kids weren't offended by my Frozen jokes. They really need to let it go!
• Why did the football coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back.
• Why can't a leopard hide? He's always spotted.
• Air used to be free at the gas station, now it costs 2.50. You want to know why? Inflation.
• I tried to get a smart car the other day but they sold out too fast. Why? I guess I'm just a bit slow.
• I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine: we just get better with age. The next day she locked me in the cellar.
• Why does a husband lead a dog's life? He comes in with muddy feet, gets comfortable by the fire, and waits to be fed.
• Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just wanted a bit more space.
• What does the stork do once he's delivered the baby? He lies on the couch and drinks a beer!
• How many telemarketers does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but he has to do it during dinner.
• Why did the orange lose the race? It ran out of juice.
• How you fix a broken pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch.
• Why are fish so smart? They live in schools!
• What's the best thing about Switzerland? I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
• Why did the man fall down the well? Because he couldn't see that well!
• Why do peppers make such good archers? Because they habanero.
• What did the sink tell the toilet? You look flushed!
• Where do boats go when they're sick? To the dock.
• What has ears but cannot hear? A cornfield!
• Stop looking for the perfect match; use a lighter.
• Can February March? No, but April May!
• Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate nine!
• I'm so good at sleeping that I do it with my eyes closed.
• Try the seafood diet—you see food, then you eat it.
• What do you call a pencil with two erasers? Pointless.
• Did you hear the one about the roof? Never mind, it's over your head.
• What's brown and sticky? A stick.
• I hated facial hair but then it grew on me.
• It really takes guts to be an organ donor.
• Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to go spreading it!
• What did the plumber say to the singer? Nice pipes.
• I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you didn't like it.
• How do you deal with a fear of speed bumps? You slowly get over it.
• I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I'll let you know.
• I'm reading an anti-gravity book. I can't put it down!
• I'd avoid the sushi if I were you. It's a little fishy!
• What state is known for its small drinks? Minnesota.
• What's Forrest Gump's password? 1forrest1
• What do houses wear? An address.
• What did the two pieces of bread say on their wedding day? It was loaf at first sight.
• What kind of shoes does a lazy person wear? Loafers.
• What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved.
• What happens when a snowman throws a tantrum? He has a meltdown.

Best Dad Joke Puns

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• Why'd the fisherman order the halibut? Just for the halibut!
• Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands.
  
• What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.
• How do you throw a party in outer space? You planet.
• Why was the broom late to class? It over-swept.
• How do you make an octopus laugh? With ten-tickles!
• What do you say to a rabbit on its birthday? Hoppy Birthday!
• What type of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree.
• Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired!
• Wanna hear a joke about construction? I'm still workin' on it!
• What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
• How does a lawyer say goodbye? I'll be suing ya!
• You can't trust atoms. They make up everything!
• What made the tomato blush? It saw the salad dressing.
• Can I dive in this pool? It deep-ends.
• What did the buffalo say to its son when he left? Bison!
• Why do vampires always seem sick? They're coffin.
• What musical instrument do you find in the bathroom? A tuba toothpaste!
• Which state has the most streets? Rhode Island.
• How do astronomers organize a party? They planet.
• Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb.
• Why do melons have weddings? They cantaloupe!
• What did the police officer say to her belly button? You're under a vest!
• What do you call a fibbing cat? A lion.
• What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business.
• If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
• Did you hear about the outlet who got in a fight with the power cord? He thought he could socket to him.
• What do you call a fancy fish? So-fish-ticated.
• If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.
• How do you make 7 even? You take away the s.
• What kind of cars do eggs drive? Yolkswagens.
• Where do math teachers go on vacation? Times Square.
• Why was the stadium so hot after the game? Because all the fans left.

Best One-Liner Dad Jokes

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• The coach went to the bank to get his quarterback.
• I asked my dog what's two minus two. He said nothing.
• The first thing Santa's elves learn in school is their elf-abet.
• Ghosts are bad liars because you can see right through them.
• Shouldn't the "roof" of your mouth actually be called the ceiling?
• All vampires keep their money in a special place—the blood bank.
• The pony couldn't sing because it was a little horse.
• If two vegetarians get in an argument, is it still called beef?
• RIP boiling water, you will be mist.
• I told my doctor I heard buzzing, but she said it's just a bug that's going around.
• I ate a clock the other day. It was very time consuming.
• I have a clean conscious—it's never been used.
• I once wrote a song about a tortilla, but it's more of a wrap.
• You can tell it's a dogwood tree from its bark.
• When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
• They say that 3/2 people are bad at fractions.
• Dogs can't operate MRI machines but catscan.
• A witch's vehicle goes brrrroom brrrroom!
• I'm worried for the calendar because its days are numbered.
• Dear Math, it's time to grow up and solve your own problems.
• I only know 25 letters of the alphabet—I don't know y.
• I just don't trust stairs, they're always up to something.
• I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.

Best Dumb Dad Jokes

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• Why were the utensils stuck together? They were spooning.
• How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans.
• Why did the picture go to prison? Because it was framed.
• How does a hurricane see? With one eye.
• Where do polar bears keep their money? The snow bank.
• What's a tornado's favorite game? Twister!
• How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
• What do you call a funny mountain? Hill-arious.
• What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.
• What did the banana say to the boy? Nothing, bananas can't talk!
• What rock group has four men who don't sing? Mount Rushmore.
• My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home!
• What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.
• "Did you get your haircut?" No, I got them all cut.
• I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger. Then it hit me.
• Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind. It's tearable.
• How many apples grow on a tree? All of them!
• I talk to myself because sometimes I just need expert advice.
• I used to be addicted to the hokey-pokey until I turned myself around.
• What concert would cost only 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!
• What do you call someone who tells dad jokes but isn't a dad? A faux pa.
• I could tell a joke about pizza, but it's a little cheesy.
• If you see a crime at an Apple store, are you an iWitness?
• I love telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he even laughs.
• I hate Velcro. It's a rip off.
• Spring is here! I got so excited that I wet my plants.
• I had to sell my vacuum cleaner. All it was doing was gathering dust.
• Do you know how many people are dead at a cemetery? All of them.
• "I'll call you later." Don't call me later, call me Dad.
• If the early bird gets the worm, I'll sleep in until there's pancakes.
• The wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers.

Best Dad Jokes for Kids

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• Why are spiders so smart? They can find everything on the web.
• What do you call a toothless bear? A gummy bear!
• What do you give a sick lemon? Lemon-aid.
• What did the nose tell the finger? Stop picking on me!
• Why can't your hand be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
• What kind of car does a sheep like to drive? A lamborghini.
• What key is used to open bananas? A mon-key.
• What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.
• How do you talk to a giant? You use big words!
• How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it!
• What kind of milk comes from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
• What's a sea monster's favorite lunch? Fish and ships.
• What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
• Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, houses can't jump.
• Why are pigs so bad at sports? They always hog the ball.
• Why shouldn't you tell an egg a joke? It'll crack up.
• What's a foot long and slippery? A slipper.
• Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.
• What's a ninja's favorite type of shoes? Sneakers!
• What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!
• How does a penguin build a house? Igloos it together.
• Why is no one friends with Dracula? He's a pain in the neck.
• Where do you learn all about ice cream? Sundae school.

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